It's Eric again. I'm writing to you because I have a problem with some of the choices you've made this year regarding killing off certain comedians. Do you think you could possibly knock it off? It's not like the world is overflowing with truly funny people here, and we can't really afford to lose anymore. I can see why George Carlin would piss you off, always taunting you, making fun of people who believe in you, and constantly using language you're not into. And sure, Bernie Mac wasn't the funniest guy in the world. But Isaac Hayes?! Dude. WHAT is your problem? You can't just take out the man who was both Shaft AND Chef and act like it's no big deal. I can understand why you'd be jealous. But who isn't? Of course I know I'll never amount to 1 billionth of Isaac's greatness. Everyone does! But that doesn't mean I'm going to try and take him out so that I can take his place. Hell no. I'm just going to step aside and let the man do his thing.
Look dude, I've forgiven you for A LOT in the past. Flooding, people who carry dogs in their purses, platypuses, heat waves, earthquakes, crocs, and those cell phones that attach to your ear. But this time you've gone too far. We're through, you got it? Don't call me.
Sincerely,
-Eric Pause
P.S. I found this picture in your drawer. I hate to rain on your parade but I let Samuel know about your little plan about taking out him next. And guess what? He's pretty pissed off. I'd watch it if I were you.
¶ 2:40 PM
