For years we at Pause Designs have struggled to come up with some way to repay the owner of Golden Horseshoe (St. Paul Street, St. Catharines Ontario), Gord Bouchard for everything he has done for us. His shop is currently the only venue selling Pause Clothing other than our online store, and he has been better to us than we could possibly ever deserve. Thus our dilemma – what do you do for a man whose lifetime joys resides in the simple pleasures of hurling arbitrary, quick witted epithets at passers by, and threats of burning people, places, and things to the ground? The solution: get this man into public office! Grant him the political strength to burn down bigger, more important things and access to the spin-doctors necessary to leverage public support against over-hyped terms like ‘arson’ and ‘hey, that’s my puppy!’
Much of his platform will involve the fact that Gord has better shoes than you – a valuable asset both when greeting the public, spin kicking his opponents in the face, or just dancing the night away. Gord can tell the difference between the colours of M&M’s in a blind taste test. He is a man who knows when to bob and when to weave in a fight and will act accordingly (see also; shuck and jive). Gord cannot be killed by mortal weapons and will own the night for a thousand years. Gord can hold onto a wet watermelon covered in oil like it’s no big deal… ONE HANDED!
If you are still not convinced that Gord would make an excellent mayoral candidate then you’re probably too ugly or stupid to vote anyway.
Thanks for everything you’ve done for us Gord. Please remember us when your tyrannical regime starts deciding who lives and who dies.
Much luv,
-Ken ¶ 4:00 PM
